An anecdote about Crusader Kings II

I was playing as King of England. I’d started off in 867 AD with the Old Gods DLC and it was around about the turn of the millennium. I’d just managed to bring England all under one banner but I’d luckily also inherited some land in France through one of my brothers. I had a son, Oswald.

I had claims on Italy and, finally, their king died so I decided that now was the time for the newly formed England to really get into its stride. I declared war, raised a large host and invaded. While this was going on my son came of age and, naturally, I gave him the County of Oxford to rule over while I was off fighting in Italy. It’s worth mentioning at this point that he was my only son and it looked like it would remain that way. He had 3 sisters and both myself and my wife were nearing 40 so it was unlikely that any more children were going to be had.

The problem came when, of course, he betrayed me and tried to jump the gun. He raised an army and was trying to take the Kingdom of England from me.

Bitch please.

This kind of pissed me off, especially since he managed to successfully besiege Winchester and his allies in his revolt, which were the recently conquered nobles of the North of England, right on the Scottish border, were running rampant around a country I couldn’t defend at that point.

Eventually I was able to sort out Italy and take the crown, though not without a few provinces having become independent already for later conquest, and then I turned my army around. I headed straight to Wessex, liberated it from my son’s thieving hands and then, over the next two years, subdued him and his friends and finally threw them all in prison.

I was in a sticky situation. He was still my heir in England and Wales but, since Italy had an elective monarchy, I was going to lose all the territory I had just worked to conquer if I died soon, because he wasn’t going to make any friends in Italy while in an English prison cell. What’s more, my wife was getting annoyed at me because her son was in prison.

I wanted to tell her that he was my son too! But he hated me and I thought that he was quite likely to revolt again so I couldn’t let him out and play happy families. So I executed him.

I replaced my heir with my brother and nominated him for the throne of Italy but instead of making my wife happy, killing my son had had the opposite effect and she was now plotting to kill me. There was only one thing I could do.

I plotted to kill her back and killed her before she could kill me. So there I was, a mid 40s king with the corpse of his son and his wife littering up my palace. Naturally I didn’t mourn for very long and decided that a particularly lovely German princess could fill the void left by my murdered family members and, by her, I had 3 sons and the Crowns of England, Wales and Italy remained on one head.


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